


Hazel

by somethin_grassy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cows, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'll tag it anyway, Light Angst, M/M, References to Depression, god i'm so bad at this, i really hope I did this right, idk - Freeform, mentions of depression ig?, oh well, poor sammy he's just built different :(, this has nothing to do with cows i just thought it would be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethin_grassy/pseuds/somethin_grassy
Summary: Sam and Dean come back after a simple hunt and both Dean and Sam go through an emotional break down in their own way, so their boyfriends come and comfort them.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 41





	Hazel

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was just kinda, casually listening to Cavetown as one does, and this idea has been sitting in my head since I first heard this song a couple years ago, I thought it would make for a cute animatic... but I can’t draw. So here I am writing this at 2:30 in the morning! I hope you like this because it’s only based off the song Hazel by Cavetown and my idea would make way more sense if it was animatic, but like I said I can’t draw (I mean I can draw okay but I also just don’t have the tools to make an animatic so-). This is also set sometime after the angels fall and Gadreel isn’t chilling inside Sam, I dunno I think that's what I was going for. Oh and Gabe is alive and only Sam knows it because I said so.

Sam and Dean just returned after a casual werewolf hunt around 12:45 AM. Lives were saved, lives were lost, nothing new to the duo. It still put a toll on Sam’s emotional state though. Sam noticed he always felt more than Dean, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Dean suppresses his feelings because that façade was useless to Sam, he just was more... empathetic towards others he guessed. 

Either way, he was aware that he fell into a sort of slump after every case, some slumps worse than others, and sleep didn’t come easy during these times. So, as he packed away things in the trunk of Baby prepping to leave first thing in the morning - “Come on Sammy! We deserve a goodnights rest after this case, we saved that entire family from almost being brutally murdered!”- Sam exhaled through his nose and grinned at Dean’s enthusiasm at finally getting a small win after so many losses. 

Sam silently agreed with the memory of a smiling Dean and tucked it away for safe keeping. Sam closed the trunk of the Impala and went to walk into their small, shared motel room. 

Sam watched as Dean paced worriedly around the room still fully clothed in his clad leather jacket and hunting boots, not the usual T-shirt and jeans. 

“Dean? Something bothering you?” Sam asked his older brother, hoping to get a straight answer from him. 

“Hm?” Dean hummed looking up at Sam, “Oh, yeah, I’m just worried about Cas. I haven’t heard from him in a bit, and I know I said we should unwind a tad before going back to the bunker but just knowing he’s out there and possibly hurt just irks me. I don’t like it...” Sam nodded in understanding. Cas was family, it was only reasonable Dean should worry. But something about Dean’s expression didn’t really look like family worry, Sam didn’t think too much on it and went to the bathroom to dress into comfy clothes and attempt a dreamless sleep, otherwise known as the impossible in the Winchester family. 

Once in navy sweatpants and a grey V-neck shirt Sam flopped onto the full-sized mattress that barely contained his large and tall frame. Closing his eyes and willing sleep to come only for it to fail, he was stuck mourning over everyone that had died to the werewolves. Feeling sorry for the werewolves who knew it was wrong, but were just parents trying to provide for children. 

It was times like these Sam really noticed how fucked his job was, monsters are monsters sure, but switch the roles and everything is justifiable in our eyes. Why did God make Earth such a shit place to live? 

“Hey Sammy! I’m going out for a drive, maybe take my mind off things, you wanna join? Or you busy making out with the motel pillow.” Dean teased grinning his shit eating grin trying to get a rile out of Sam. Sam looked up and scowled playfully back at Dean, throwing the pillow right at him while Dean caught it effortlessly. 

“I’m fine, thanks for the offer. Jerk.” 

“No problem felt like being alone anyways, bitch.” Sam chuckled lightly and Dean made a grab for the keys also laughing along. For a small moment they had felt like normal brothers again. It was a feeling that didn’t last as long as Sam would have liked, but he cherished it nonetheless. 

Hours later Dean had not returned and Sam was still spiraling in his thoughts. Sam took a glance at the clock and it read 3:06 AM in its bright font that always bothered Sam. Sam’s eyes felt like T.V. static, his eye lids like lead, his torso wanted to float away but his limbs kept him firmly rooted tp the mattress. 

Sam hated nights like these. 

Sam turned his gaze away from the clock to look out the window both of them hadn’t bothered closing. It was careless, but Sam didn’t mind tonight, the neon sign advertising the motel looked nice at this time of night, like fire in oil. Sam thought the world on fire didn’t sound like the worst of apocalypses to live through. 

Sam sighed knowing his efforts were useless in trying to sleep. He rolled over in defeat now laying on his back staring at the ceiling. Thoughts of Gabriel soon crept in and tears threatened to fall down Sam temples. The fresh salty tears stung at his already tired eyes. 

How could he miss someone who caused him so much misery? Sam wasn’t one to hold grudges, and this wasn’t necessarily a grudge, but what Gabriel put him through those few months were traumatizing and it always lingered in the back of his mind. At least he gave Dean back in the end. 

At least Gabe was still alive. 

Sam wasn’t sure why but when he watched Gabe’s death he near wanted to join him, something inside him had grown fond of the archangel and it wasn’t planning on letting up. 

When the angels fell that same fear had come back and Sam hated it. 

There was a light rumble outside and Sam assumed it was rain, no need to think the worst, right? A crack of lightning confirmed his suspicions as the rain started to lightly pour outside. Sam turned to his side opposite of the window, removed the pillow from behind him and clutched it, not in fear, but in longing. Sam remembered Gabriel mentioning how much he liked the rain, said it reminded him of his family. When things weren’t so messy. Sam remembered nodding slowly and leaning on his shoulder relating to every word that left Gabe's mouth. 

Memories like those are what kept him going. Memories like those are what made those damned tears begin to fall. 

“Please...” Sam pleaded to no one in particular, “Just hold me, hold me again. Hold me tightly and never let go... please.” Light sobs began to wrack through his sleep deprived body, it’d been so long since he’d cried like this. It was actually kind of refreshing for Sam. To cry freely without fear of being judged. 

Once Sam had calmed down a bit he got up reluctantly to close the blinds. He felt too vulnerable now. He padded back to bed still feeling heavy with sleep that won’t come and curled back up into the sad musty motel sheets. 

A few minutes past and Sam was back to laying on his back just listening to the rain trying to get it to lull him to sleep. It didn’t, instead he next rumble that rolled through wasn’t that of thunder, but the Impala. The headlights shone through the window blinds and scattered light across the ceiling, Just like stars... Sam thought to himself before realizing Dean was finally back. 

Sam glanced at the clock again, it read 4:01 AM , why had Dean come back so late? The door clicked open and revealed a slightly soaked Dean with bags. 

“Oh... you’re awake." Sam grunted in response, "Well I got some grub at the nice 24 hour joint. And sorry I was gone a few hours, I really just wasn’t feeling myself. Tonight was just a weird night I guess.” Sam nodded in agreement. Dean set the bags down on the small table in the room. 

“I’ve already helped myself so you’re welcome to whatever’s left, and don’t hate me but I’m going back out, I just need to be alone again, I didn’t want to leave this in the car though and since you’re awake you might as well-” Dean cut himself off and Sam looked up into his brothers green eyes. He could see the same longing in his eyes that he was feeling. 

“It’s okay Dean, I get it, go.” Sam said with one of his sweet smiles. Dean pursed his lips and walked towards the door. Before leaving he turned to say one more thing. 

“Thank you for understanding Sammy, I don’t know how you do it, you’ve always been real good at that. Don’t ever change that about you, okay?” Sam nodded again and Dean shut the door. Sam heard Dean start the car and the headlights were turned on once more shooting the same constellations on the ceiling that left Sam in awe at the simplicity and beauty of it. Slight rainbows here and there due to the rain littering the window. 

“Gabe would have loved this...” Sam muttered to an empty room. 

“You’re absolutely right Samantha, I do love it.” Came the familiar voice that belonged to a certain Trickster he had been missing. Sam turned quickly to face where the sound came from. Sam didn’t believe it at first, he thought his tired mind was playing tricks on him, but after a few blinks and pinches Sam knew all too well that he was here. Tears started to form again. 

“Gabe...” Sam whispered through a croaky voice and glassy eyes, “You’re really here?” Gabe scoffed light heartedly and replied. 

“’Course I am Sam, I heard your prayer.” Realization dawned onto Sam, he had accidentally prayed to Gabriel. Sam had done so many times before and no response, so what was so different about this one? 

“Well, why’re you here now?” Gabe looked taken aback at the sudden question, but Sam had to know. After a few beats Gabe relaxed and answered mournfully. 

“I know I’ve been ignoring your other prayers... I wanted to come so badly but I couldn’t, if they find me, if heaven finds me-” Sam hushed him. 

“I know Gabe, I know, but that wasn’t the question. Why are you here now?” Gabe stilled and stared at the floor thinking carefully about what his next words should be. 

“Because I didn’t care anymore.” Gabe raised his whiskey colored eyes to meet Sam hazel eyes, eyes Gabe fell in love with at first sight, so beautiful. So full of hope, “Because you sounded so broken and I didn’t like that, I don’t want that for you, I like you too much.” Gabriel grinned and Sam returned the favor. Sam cleared his throat before speaking again. 

“Well, thank you...” Gabe nodded. The pair sat in silence for a while before Sam spoke up again, “So, you heard my prayer... do you mind uhm...” 

“Holding you?” 

“Yeah...” 

“No, not in the slightest.” They both smiled once more as their hearts thumped sporadically together. They barely fit on the bed, but that was the least of their worries. Gabe was here cradling Sam who finally felt at home. 

As much as Sam loved the bunker, home was always where Gabriel was, and if that was right in his arms, that’s where it shall be. Sam felt he was slowly being pulled into a deep sleep and even knowing it would only last a few hours he welcomed it gladly. Gabriel hummed in satisfaction when he felt Sam's even breathing blow against his chest. Gabriel untangled himself from Sam’s gangly limbs and began to walk towards the door. 

“Keeping being good Sammy,” Gabriel hesitated with these last words but decided to say them anyway, “I love you.” And like that he was no more than a sweet memory for Sam to add to his growing collection. 

Dean however was out on a grassy plain praying to whatever gods or angels who will listen. 

“I know I’m a pain in the ass, but hear me out. Just keep Cas safe. Please, that’s all I ask. I know he’s rebelled and slaughtered so many of your kind... but it’s Cas... please...” Dean paused not knowing if these were the appropriate words to say in this moment, he spoke anyway, “Cas, come see me please... I miss you so much.” Dean hiccupped not realizing he had started crying, “I guess I’ve been stupid, but you mean so much, too much, to me and I just want you home. Home with Sam and I. Just home with me...” 

Dean glanced up at the glittered sky looking for the answer to his pleas. Nothing. Dean scrubbed violently at his still falling tears he somehow couldn’t stop and stomped towards the Impala deciding that his brooding was done, he needed to get back to his baby brother. 

Opening the car door and starting the ignition he heard a flap of wings. 

No. Could it be? 

“Hello Dean.” Cas said smiling his gentle and warm smile, standing in front of the Impala. Dean huffed out a few disbelieving breaths before all but falling out of the car and making a mad dash for Castiel’s now open arms. Dean crashed into Cas' arms finding his embrace the best thing Dean's ever had the pleasure of being in. 

“I’ve been so worried about you Cas.” Dean whispered into Cas' shoulder. 

“I know Dean, I heard you, I’m sure all of heaven heard you.” Dean laughed but Cas remind still and smiling, now burying his head into Dean’s dirty blonde hair. 

“Cas?..” 

“Yes Dean?” 

“Will you... can you... ugh, just keep holding me please, just for a little while.” 

“Of course, Dean, of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank for reading if you did, I think this is by far one of my best pieces of writing I've done and I'm happy to have it be my first piece posted here! Uhm, I don't have much to say here but leave a comment or kudos if you'd like, and I also plan on making another song fic that's more destiel centric so you can go check that out when I do post it eventually. It probably won't be as good as this one though. Anyways thank you again for reading this it really does mean a lot knowing someone acknowledged it.


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